Miss Independent

Lately, I have been thinking about young women my age who have been in close relationships like I have for a couple of years, and whether or not it's healthy for our growing independence.

I was talking to couple of guy friends the other day who complained that they never got to see their buddy without his girlfriend attached to his hip. I countered that Brad and I probably came off the same way, and we joked around a bit, but I couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable after that.

I thought this girl was a pretty cool chick, so do all guys really get bothered by this? These were guys in relationships of their own, so it wasn't like they were jealous. I just figured that when a couple has mutual friends that it was okay to hang out together with them often, but maybe that's not the truth.

I have very few girlfriends of my own. I have one friend who is practically engaged, and another living in the city with her son. Any others I would consider acquaintances. I have some old work friends, but they're mainly guys, and Brad sometimes gets upset when I hang out with them on my own with no girls in sight. Understandable. They haven't been long-term friends that he knows well and can trust. But, when I do go my own way, even if it's just a visit to my friend's son or a weekend away with my family, I do feel more independent and have the opportunity to experience things without my boyfriend at my side.

Don't get me wrong, I love experiencing things with him. We always have fun together. I would consider him my best friend, but is it healthy when you're spending every waking moment with that person in private and then out socially? It makes me wonder if we would be okay if something happened to us. If we were to break up, what are we sacrificing? Mutual friendships, each other's families, long-term plans we had together, gym buddies, possibly a job if I end up working with Brad landscaping this summer, this blog...

The list goes on and on, as though every aspect of our lives include each other. So, would we be okay starting over?

We're so incredibly young, and people reinvent themselves several times in their own lifetime, so I'm sure we would eventually, but it would take a lot of time to gain that independence back.

Perhaps being a little less serious is healthier for women my age; Keeping our options wide open and figuring out who we are on our own without someone else there constantly shaping us. It doesn't require us to fall less in love or fully give up our boyfriends. Have at least one or two aspects of your life away from each other, like work or school or groups of friends.

There's more respect involved when two people have their own lives and their own thing. You have time to miss each other and share stories. It's just something to think about.